These are my Soul Reasons
That I keep the faith in me
Welcome to my sermon
Confessin; lynching Ali
I am nobody with nothing
And I was somebody from something
But It was hell just to be breathing
Claustrophobic skin was seething
I was gagging on the silver spoon
Born to money, way too soon
My savage parents, sold my soul
The selfishness, it took a toll
They didn’t really care for me
It hurts, despiteful jealousy
The Narssus Perbanality
They robbed our personality
Then tried to thief the faith in me
I loved them both so faithfully
They shamed the good ones
Pray you see
They broke inside my heresy
Then blamed their own divorce on me
And claimed they were the therapy
I can’t believe audacity
So I crash and burned my self esteem
And I gave up on my big town dream
Now all that’s left is nasty things
And I’m not rap, an asshole sings
So I gave up on the understand
I’ll make my stand, I’ll stay upstand
Cause I’m quarter life BOOM prodigy
Thank God my brain worked forcefully
Thank God my brain grew physically
Thank God I had a God in me!
In God Mode; preach my legacy
See rappers burning; Prophecy
My scriptures prophesizing me
And I’m still learning; teaching me
Commandments from prophets MCs
From Kid and Em and Joy and Ken
And Jay Ye Tech and Lil Shin
My bad for my explicity
Will get rid of my soginy
Will understand bully in me
Won’t be JuJury Fuck Judy
I’ll be the man; only I can see.
Not lost in space; idiotically
They will never know this side of me
They will never feed the beast in me
They will never take it seriously
They will keep on making fun of me
But it’s up to ME, to tell some of YOU
How to handle Shit Creek Avenue
Gotta build a wall inside of you
Gotta smile and just wave it through
Gotta tame tsunami build-ING YOU
Gotta power flow, God Dam-in You!
Gonna beg borrow and humble you
Gotta admit if you’re stealing too
Gotta know that Newton’s watching you
Gotta mined the third; don’t die for you!
Kid – Cudi. Em – Rap God. Joy – Ner Lucas. Ken – K. Jay – Z. Ye – ezy.
Tech – Both n9ne and the Undying. Lil – W.F.B. Shin – Mike Shinoda (R.I.P.Chester</3)
There are some more MCs I want to shout out for basically keeping my entire life going; but that’ll come in later songs.
I wrote this song rather quickly because it simply covers every aspect of life where my faith was shaken. There was absolutely no pillar or hope I was seeing. School was never for someone like me. My father was bullying my mom into prescriptions he could legally provide. I was disrespectful to women – I judged – I stole – I was a BULLY. I became and projected what I saw in my daily life. I channeled all of that (eventually) healthily towards lyricism. Flow and rap styles come later in my opinion. It’s like meditation. You will get better over time. Just fucking start!!! That’s how I had to do it. Fuck how it’s “properly done.” Nobody in my life would ever have taken me seriously and I wasn’t going to start free-styling like an idiot in the middle of my already fucked and judgmental household. I meet no status for gangster trapper. I simply write whatever I feel/think/breathe/shit/sleep. It’s not even painful. It’s a passion that’s slowly built; exactly like a dream job that sucks at first. Many will say I’m just bitching because I do come from upper-middle class; but that’s why I have lyrics as my medium. Paren(men)tal illness doesn’t care where the fuck you’re from. Music doesn’t care where the fuck you’re from. I made a new “fuck this” identity. Patiently. Silently. Creepy. NPD!
As for my views on God in this song – My dad basically made me view him as a God because he provided shelter and basic necessities you need when human beings have children. Becoming a doctor and disregarding all religion and family broke something in him for some reasons that I can’t put my finger on. Celebrity Narcissism Complex I guess? Eminem and Kim problems? My mom didn’t even cheat. I never even lived Boujee like him; I was just the “ungrateful” tag on his Bad. Something was always wrong. Every time he snapped; I swiped his wallet. Swiper would then spend all that on 21st century drugs – like apps and drugs; because he was a deeply confused idiot. We can make a 10 season long Dark Dora with how many times that shit happened. He’d just blame my mom and move on. I know he always knew; he’s my
Progenitor Asshole Razing Everyone Near Them after all.
That’s one HUGE asshole; even by my standards; and I even inherited the damn word down to a science.
Maybe he’s right? If there is no God; then parents are Gods; right? I’m just an ungrateful piece of shit?
Fucking wrong. Confusion and Doubt Sew the Seeds of Complacency my fellow assholes. Classic tactic to manipulate and control. Divide and conquer. NPD remember? Don’t be a sheep. Prophets were supposed to be made in your image. Gatekeeping and fear tacs for the win! You’ll be stronger when you Build-Your-God on your own rock bottom. I’m not going to play the “you are nothing” card like I sometimes do. Idk what the fuck I’m doing. All I know for sure is that every single human being is their own ENTIRE UNIVERSE from MICRO to MACRO. You ARE much better than MULTIPLE WINNING LOTTERY TICKETS; God or No God. You don’t need a fucking college Bio course to learn that. Trust me; I dropped out with 35k in debt to learn that absurdly expensive lesson. There; I just gave it to you free.